Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The further you are behind the harder you funk!

As its Christmas I thought I would write a feature-length special. So to celebrate the season of goodwill I am generously sharing my secrets.

For all the literature now availble regarding poker strategy, massive holes still remain. Coverage of key techniques such as nipping and straddling the blinds is pitiful. I address these issues to rectify this obvious shortcoming.



Tip 1 - Winning From Behind. The Art of The Outdraw.

All sorts of drink induced thoughts have entered my head over the last few days. Not least that getting all your chips in the pot in very bad shape is much like a football team being reduced to ten men. For my Irish readers that's Hurling without the sticks / the thing Steve Staunton is making an almighty mess of. In the same way that a team will unify, and seemingly try that bit harder to compensate for the numerical disadvantage, I tend to try that bit harder to funk the cards in.

This is in my opinion why so many beats occur online. It's bad manners to funk cards in when playing in a live situation, but online no one can hear you, so you have a duty to yourself.

However, say for example you hold Ac10c and get it all in on a flop of 10c 7s 2h, when some mug is sitting there with Kings. There is absolutely no point in wasting valuable funking energy trying to get running clubs when any old ace or ten will do nicely. You don't need the flush so don't be greedy! Furthermore your need for a backdoor flush might be greater next time, when you get it in with AdKd on a board of Kc 9h 4d and some mug has a set of nines. I hope you didn't funk the clubs in last time, we all remember about the boy who cried wolf.

In summary therefore tip 1 is funk hard, but don't waste them.


Tip 2 Dodging A Nip

There are a number of Nip Defence Strategies (NDS) that can be adopted. My personal favourite is the Pre-Emptive Pre-Nip Defence Strategy (PEP NDS), but other favourites include the Instictive Reaction to Potential Nip Defence Strategy (IRP NDS) and the Nip Evasion Via Alternate Channelling Of Funds (NEVACOF).

A good way to perform the PEP is to seek out the nipper before he finds you. Get your request in first and ask him to borrow some money. It is now unlikely that he will try to nip you. If he later spies you with money he will most probably assume that you have borrowed it from another source.

The Neil Channing "I'm doing my bollocks" line is a strand of IRP. For example, if you see Neil in the Vic and casually approach to ask how he is doing, he will usually reply with "I'm doing my bollocks." He's not really, he's probably winning, but he can't help himself from quickly answering in this fashion. It's an instinctive, almost automated reply designed to discourage the nipper from continuing. Others IRPs that may work include these approved reactions to the question "How are you doing":
*"Yeah, fine thanks. Just going to dinner now actually." As you hastilly leave the table say "Back in a couple of hours." He's unlikely to want to wait that long.
*Immediately pick up your phone and make an "urgent" phone call. Hopefully he'll find another target.
*Order a drink and a sandwich and engage the waitress in lengthy conversation. Perhaps even walk with her to the kitchen to escape the more persistent nipper.
*"No good. It seems like I've been nipped by every fucker with an S in his name today" (Hint - if he doesn't have an S in his name use another letter)

NEVACOF is a relately new strategy, but nonetheless very effective. Upon approach from a nipper, quickly dash to the restaurant to lend all your money to someone infinitely more reliable, thus rendering the initial request ineligible. This person could even be another nipper, but one with a higher credit line. This particular strand of NEVACOF is often referred to by the more popular term Nip Evasion Via Alternative Nip (NEVA NDS).

The history of the NEVACOF defence strategy is quite interesting. Rumour has it that it was a means by which Bulgarian government officials were able to syphon money away from public services, in order to promote their own private interests. Government officials were able to pay vast sums into the bank account of a Mr Novokov, who was throughout the 1980's believed to be a specialist consultant to the Bulgarian government, and an apparent expert in public services. However, little did anyone know at that time that he was in fact channelling the funds in an alternative manner. From this technique an NDS was derived and some people still refer to this NDS as either the Bulgarian NOVAKOV or NEVACOF.

In summary then tip 2 is get yourself a NDS. Consider further study and then implementation of either a PEP, IRP, or the Bulgarian NEVACOF


Tip 3 Protecting a Live Straddle

If you're doing your money the best way to get out of it (well it's certainly not to knuckle down and play well) is to make the game bigger by straddling the blinds from early position.
Now, what then often happens is that a player with a strong holding in a better position than yourself will raise, prefering to play an even bigger pot against you. Probably because he feels that he has position and likes his hand compared to your blind holding. This is his big mistake.

I recommend firing back. Lets face it, you are playing badly so barring a cold deck you are going to struggle to get the chips in from the front. Therefore the more you can get in when there are still plenty of cards to come the better. Also remember that you have first stab at the flop as well, so you might as well use it. Then silently employ tip one.

Tip 3 summary. If someone raises your live straddle he's made the mistake of giving you a chance to get out of it. Use it. And use the force.


Tip 4 Making The Fourth Raise Pre-Flop In Omaha With Sixes Single Suited

I must at this point stress that it's tough to make the fifth raise unless they're double suited.

You hold 2h3c6c6s, not the best, but you're doing your money. Now winning with this hand is going to be tough, but you must raise to narrow the field because your hand plays better short handed. It is not going to be easy to beat one opponent with this hand let alone a whole table. My recommendation is that the third raiser will be some mug with the aces, so try to play him heads up and funk hard to get the six in. Scope for redraw will be limited assuming that the first two raisers probably had at least one ace between them.

In summary tip 4. It is easier to beat one person than seven. So if you have a crap hand raise the pot and play it short handed.

Monday, December 18, 2006

The Tribecca Network Christmas Party

An online Christmas Party took place earlier today. Unfortunately it was me throwing it for the first part of the day, until I put a horrendous beat on this poor sod who didn't take it too well. Fortunately for everyone else he took on the mantle of Santa Clause himself, and showered all that were well behaved with festive gifts.

Monami, take a bow son. A quick look at the hand history could make useful material for the next Mastercard advert. The highlights of his party include...

Bottom set, four-hundred pounds.
Top pair into a set, two-hundred pounds.
Back door flush draw, three-hundred pounds.
Arse end of a wrap, five-hundred pounds.
To hit his King flush draw, three-hundred and twenty pounds.
Drawing dead on the turn, nine-hundred and sixty pounds.
The look on his face when he checks his account in the morning - Priceless.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

There's No Place Like Home

Having spent an enjoyable twelve days in Ireland, where I had drunk myself silly on too many occasions, I returned to Gatwick and headed for Luton intent on proper preparation. Now heading there straight from Gatwick via South London probably wasn't a great start, but I felt fresh and traffic conditions dictated.

I have played three tournaments at Luton this week and have managed to play them all badly. Whilst I was dissapointed with my performance in the first two, I was extremely angry with myself after the main event, but not merely for playing as pitifully as it is possible to play. I try not to live or play by too many rules, but I broke one of my commandments turning up and entering the event in the first place. Generally if I am tired on unwell I prefer not to enter a tournament. It just makes no sense at all to play when you do not feel sharp enough, especially when there are tournaments almost every day that you could play instead. Nevertheless after playing through the night on friday and through saturday afternoon I decided that sleeping could wait until later. I circumnavigated the M25 and entered the tournament, but by the first break I could hardly see the cards. To be honest I would have been better off setting fire to the £800 and getting a few hours sleep.

I have since slept and put in a long session on the net, which is where I feel most comfortable and play more consistently. There is just something about playing at home in comfortable, familiar and relaxing surroundings that makes me wonder why I bother venturing any further afield on anything other than a strictly occasional basis. Whilst Ireland was a welcome break away, Luton was an unnecessary extension of the excursion away from my regular comforts. Dorothy Gale may have been unwell and somewhat delusional but she had it right when she said "there's no place like home."