Links - Blog Review

I've added links to three blogs that I personally find an enjoyable read.

The Camel Ruminates by Keith Hawkins is an extremely easy read. Though Keith never goes out of his way to dodge controversy he is most definitely one of the good guys. He writes what he believes and doesn't spare the truth. A gentleman of the game.

Sleepless in Fulham: Rambling and Gambling by David Young may not be to everyone's taste but I like it. It is updated regularly and extremely well written. David's game of choice would be pot limit holdem ring games where he is a consistent winner. However his blog certainly covers more than just poker - there are regular posts about sociological, economic and political factors and cultures. His views on society in general; while in some places very different to my personal views are an extremely welcome read.

Anyutadva by Dominic Bourke is an absolute must read for racing fans. The posts are frequent and interesting, and though dominated by national hunt and flat racing there are posts about poker and other sports betting markets to satisfy other tastes.

On The Lash With Riverdave

I am an admirer of this nations best loved poets; Ted Hughes, Wordsworth, Kipling, Penly…

”Handy you bokked Woking you prick”, followed by a few expletives and other more traditional insults were the first words to leave his mouth in my direction on Saturday. After having not seen him for three weeks (he never made the trip to Northwich mentioned below) we met up for our assault on Guildford town centre. His literary master-class was of course referring to my previous ‘lay Northwich’ suggestion, which in hindsight was perhaps none too wise. However to think I had swerved the Brighton festival for this pearl of Wisdom.

I’ve not really done a great deal since my last post. In fact I’ve been about as busy as a Norwegian ice cream man this week. However for the fist time since I started recording my results back in August 2003, I have a perfect tournament record.

For the week commencing 12th of December 2005 my spreadsheet shows the following:

Heads Up Matches – Played 0, Won 0, Lost 0
Sit and Goes – Played 0, Won 0, Lost 0
Multi Table Tournaments – Played 0, Won 0, Lost 0

I have played a bit of PLO each day (except Tuesday) and a smattering of other cash games here and there but for some reason I have struggled to find the time to play. Quite a feat given that I just bum about for most of the day.

I need to ensure that during week commencing 19th of December I show what Ian Dowie would most probably refer to as ‘crackbackonability’.

A Rare Day Off

Well, riverdave penly has spun his case $10 in to $1900, so we're on our way to Northwich in a few minutes. So today looks like being my first day off since I returned from Hungary.

I couldn't let the day go by without some kind of gamble so I have made a couple of selections.

Football: Lay Northwich on Betfair at 2.52 not to win within 90 minutes
Snooker: Ken Doherty 9/1 to win the UK championship outright

These bets aren't going to make any of us rich so I thought I’d treat myself to a sneaky little win yankee on Ladbrokes with the following selections.

Woking 2/1
Joe Perry 6/5 to beat Mark King
Brankley Boy 11/10 3.00pm at Warwick
And I think Bulberry Hill 2/1 should get up to beat the much fancied Quest On Air in the 2.20 at Southwell

This bet should be enough to satisfy even the sick amongst you, so if you're on the chase feel free to jump on board HMS Get Yourself Out Of It and cruise your way to success. The accumulator alone returns £42 per £1 - so it looks like we're all on course for some wages today after all.

Viva Las Luton

Well the final day of the £750 main event wasn’t quite the result I had hoped for, and driving back from Luton I felt a touch depressed. Not only did it take me over two hours to get there due to motorway closures, after having played reasonably well yesterday, I lasted just 10 minutes or so of day two. Now I realised that I would have to endure a pretty rotten two hour drive home.

It’s a shame really, I thought to myself. I would have been in reasonable shape with 130k of the 900k in play. Obviously I would still have been more than capable of pissing them and plenty more away, but I felt in decent touch. If only I had managed to make my AA beat Pascal's 99 – was it his classic Gaelic shrug that encouraged the first nine over? And as my flush draw loomed large was there a secondary shrug to induce the quads? My thought process was rather rudely interrupted at this stage and I temporarily re-entered the real world. Elvis Presley was on the Magic FM airwaves, and Viva Las Vegas seemed far too upbeat for my prevailing mood. “I’m guessing he didn’t have Luton casino in mind when he penned the lyrics to that one!” I declared at a healthy volume to the imaginary passengers in my car.

At this stage I became quite pissed off with myself. Now, I have regularly tired of other people and their bad beat stories, but in a first for me I was now tiring of my own. In Britain alone an average of 1500 people die each and every day, many more will be diagnosed with terminal or other serious illness (over 100 women each day are diagnosed with breast cancer), these people have close friends and immediate family who will also suffer. Meanwhile I was driving home feeling sorry for myself, thinking that I was having the most terrible day. No I wasn’t! These people really are having a horrid day. Perhaps I should speak to any one of these people, tell them I have had my aces cracked, and see if any of them would like to play the worlds’ smallest violin for me.

Since I arrived home from Luton a few have commented that I seemed to take the outdraw with good grace, and that I didn’t even seem too pissed off with the way the hand unfolded or Pascal’s celebration. Well maybe, but would moaning get me a rebuy? And surely people have the right to show some emotion when they win a big coup? (late note: just got off the phone to Paul Parker he made the very same point) Ok so Pascal limped, I then raised, and Adda re-raised. So what if Pascal still wants to put the rest of his chips in with two nines. They’re his chips not mine. No one forced me to call with two aces – I chose to - and would again. Maybe it would have all been different had I been able to order a bacon sandwich prior to the start of play instead of having to settle for toasted chicken mayonnaise (see my tournament strategy in the Neil Appeal below). I was bitterly disappointed, but not bitter – good luck to Pascal I say – he’s a decent lad.

It’s a game, and a game with a generous helping of chance, when we sit down to play we are by this action agreeing to abide by whatever elements of luck go with or against us. Furthermore, it may be a living or it may be a hobby, but for both the professional and casual player alike it is still a game. So think of the starving millions in Africa, or the sick and homeless of Britain before declaring yourself unlucky.

The Neil Appeal

Wow, hasn’t the virtual postman been busy. This morning I visited my hotmail account for the first time in about 10 days to find the usual sea of standard generated mails from every poker site and betting exchange you could care to think of. Amongst the largely unsolicited mail though were a few I actually read. A couple from my friend Ben, who I spent much time with in Budapest, he was kindly offering me the chance to play a few online comps that he had qualified for, and there was a real gem from Neil Channing.

It was the latest edition of “The Channing Diaries” which I very much took to reading whilst in Hungary. Such was the demand for computers in internet cafes, once you got on a computer it was generally best advised to stay there. Hence if you needed a break it was wise to read something on the internet so as not to vacate the computer. “The Channing Diaries”, which I stumbled on almost by accident, proved to be a more than reasonable read during a short break. Anyone who knows Neil, or has encountered him on more than a few occasions, will know the appeal he carries – unmistakeable dulcet tones – the ‘Whispering’ Ted Lowe of poker. As far as I am concerned his instantly recognisable voice can light up the dullest of tables, and his appeal, seemingly not confined to audio, carries over into his writing. He is very much one of the good guys and surely has the game to be a big success States and make a few of them look very silly. Unfortunately the one constant that breathes through all his diary entries is that tournament successes, it would seem, have been extremely limited. Now I imagine the side action has been none too shabby for him, but nevertheless it would be nice if a little tournament success could come his way. Hopefully the next time you here the dulcet tones of Neil Channing they will be telling more than just another bad beat story.


As he has such an appeal, I would therefore like to use this blog to launch “The Channing Appeal – Help Neil Win” and I am appealing for any suggestions that may help him gain more success. Now anyone that has ever dared tangle in a pot with Neil knows that it is about as much fun as tangling with a petrol tanker on the M25, thus poker strategy is not required. Interestingly I actually know this from experience having tried them both. The last time I tangled with a petrol tanker it added a £180 to my insurance premium, the following day I got involved in a pot with Neil and it cost me almost double, so by that measure bring on the 70mph collision. However if you have any other ideas that just might make all the difference please respond to the appeal. I will then email him all this advice with the intention of causing him as much annoyance as possible.

Personally I think that either a bacon sandwich as a minimum, or a Full English, is a must for breakfast on the day of a tournament. Remember that you are what you eat, and that your opponent is unlikely to put down a marginal hand to a packet of cornflakes and a splash of milk, but he may think twice before re-raising an aggressive blood thirsty looking pig. There is of course no charge for this ‘handy hint’, however I must stress that I accept no liability for losses incurred as a result of this rather innovative formula.

Christmas Shopping

I went to Guildford today in search of Christmas gifts for friends and family. After little success I came home empty handed. If anyone has any ideas please feel free to respond. I think that each year it gets harder because people have more and more possessions. In the world we live in today, most in this Country are able to afford not only everything they need but most of the things they want. Furthermore I am sure that innovation has not matched the general speed of economic development because it seems that we are inventing less. In the old days when Paul Martin was a young lad, and most survived on a packet of crisps and a loaf of Hovis, is was surely far easier to identify a gift that someone wanted but didn’t already have.

With this in mind, I have brought my entrepreneurial skills to the fore and come up with the following ideas that will hopefully make ideal Christmas presents for poker players. Provided that manufacturers take these ideas on board then shopping for Christmas 2006 should be a far easier proposition than this year.

Here is what will be filling your stocking in December 2006:

Charlie and The Chip Factory – Board game based on the movie

Love or loath him 2005 was the year that the Bubble’s bubble finally burst. After an unproven accusation of chip theft resulted in suspension, Charlie Bambos returned to Luton only to be caught on camera soon after. Banned by the Rank Leisure group with little chance of readmission, he’ll have no choice but to put his name to this board game as he searches for an alternative career path.

The aim of the game is to get your “umpa lumpas” to manufacture as many chips as possible in order to validate your golden ticket, whilst you also try to stop you opponent from doing the same. The ultimate aim of the game is to steal your opponents golden ticket whilst he or she is not looking, thus declaring yourself the winner, and telling your opponent how he or she made a mistake by getting overcommitted with their umpa lumpas so early on in the game.


Autobiography: The Craig Grant Story – 20,000 Leagues Out Of My Depth.

Yep it’s the book we’ve all been waiting for. He’s never short of a story or twelve, and his enforced sabbatical means that Jackanory himself should finally find time to commit his memoirs to print. Obviously Craig would struggle to string a couple of sentences together by himself, so he could team up with his old pal Jules Verne. Apparently they once split a $2m Omaha pot at the Bellagio with Ace High and have remained friends ever since. Craig and Jules will co-write what is sure to be a bestseller and a must for fiction lovers everywhere.

Why The Title?

Well, given that a title is merely a name given to a book, film, or other work I must confess that I could think of no good reason to spend valuable eating or playing time thinking of a more appropriate title. I merely decided to put together the four words that best summarise my daily routine, and to be honest I am more than happy with its applicability. If I am neither eating or talking then it is usually because I am either trying to outdraw someone in a pot or sleeping. Those that have been fortunate enough to share a room with me will be able to testify that snoring is a more accurate definition of my sleeping routine.

I like to read in bed, and now and then I walk somewhere but unfortunately those activities didn't quite make the top four. Anyway, I hope you like the blog and find it an enjoyable read. If you don't like it please tell everyone you meet it was a good read so that they too waste their time reading it as you did. Cheers in advance.

Why write a blog?

Well, when you talk as frequently as I do, it is only natural that after a while people stop listening. Hence I am blogging in search of a hidden audience. Like Jason on his perilous adventure to find the golden fleece I imagine that I will meet with hostility, danger and rough seas. However my Argo is a well crafted vessell designed to withstand these elements.